I Almost Passed Out On My First Day Of Work? Life Update

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As I mentioned in my last update I would be starting work this month. I’m sorry for not updating you all sooner with me but with orientations and personal things going on with me right now I was unable to.

Work: My first day of work was let’s just say interesting. I ride public transportation, so I typically leave 2-3 hours earlier than my scheduled arrival time. On my way to work, things were fine until I got on the train to go towards work. I started having anxiety attacks. (short breathing, constant swallowing, leg rocking,) I’ve been struggling to keep my anxiety from happening in public since moving back to Ohio. There’s been a lot of things that’s been triggering it which I’ll get into it later.

On my way off the train, there were crowds of people running to get on the one I just got off. Bumping, running etc. After I left the station I headed towards my job. I didn’t have to be there until 4 but just to play it safe I arrived at 2:30. On my way to work I began having panic attacks. (Panic attacks are much like anxiety attacks but 10x worst.) I kept feeling lightheaded and the need to the past out, puke, cry all at the same time. I zoned out a few times while walking but tried to keep my focus. Not to mention my feet were killing me and it was hot as hell that day.

I kept pushing myself and walked all the way to a resting stop at my job. I sat down to try to calm myself down and rest up before I started my shift; didn’t work exactly. The panic attacks continued to happen, although I try taking deep breaths and keeping it under control. It didn’t work, and I began crying. No sobbing, just tears running down and shakiness. There were a few people sitting next to me so I tried my best to keep it under wrap. Luckily they left and I could practice my breathing exercises and counting. It didn’t help. I tried pulling my elastic band that didn’t help either, Workers were coming in and getting things ready. So it was very awkward trying to not show I was crying and was having a panic attack.

I finally went towards my job and waiting for an another hour and a half before I could start my shift My legs were aching and I was tired. Luckily I recognized a few people from my orientation and I felt somewhat relieved. We were all sent together then it was time to go and start work.

Anxiety kicked in once again because many of us didn’t know what to do. We were told we would be trained on our first day but that didn’t happen. So we had to kind of figure out as we went. I’ve worked in food service before but it’s very difficult to keep your anxiety under-wrapped when you’re not given directions or instructions on how to do things or use equipment.

After a few hours prepping and getting to know everyone, it was time to start and open. I started to feel sick. Lightheaded, nauseous, and feeling panicked. A few of my co-workers asked if I was okay and to try to eat something. But I was leaned over a table feeling sick and asked my co-worker to get my shift leader so I could go to medic. He took me to medic and I suffered a panic attack and dehydration. They had to give me an IV so I wouldn’t feel lightheaded and pass out. They also gave me water and snacks. The medical staff was really great and were helpful. They even tried making a few jokes to relax me. I was there for an hour until I finished my IV and headed back to work. Everyone was great and welcomed me back and asked how I was. I went back to work helped out where I could. Joked around with one of my co-workers that were teasing me in fun and left. I caught my train back home had to be on bed rest a few days. It definitely wasn’t the ideal first day, but hell will it be rememberable.

My second day of work went well and really smoothly. I managed to keep up and work really hard. Joked around with a few of my co-workers and had a hardworking busy time.

I’m still on the job hunt and looking for a full time employment but I’m hopeful.

Therapy Pet: I’ve been looking into the idea of getting a therapy dog/cat for my anxiety. I believe I mentioned this before. But I’m realizing I kinda really need it right now.

Moving Back & Counseling: I would be lying to you all if I wasn’t honest about things being a little rough since moving back here. It seemed like a good idea for moments when I was back in Pittsburgh. But I don’t think I could explain how tough it’s been being here. But there’s also been quite a few good things as well. Like being able to spend time with my younger siblings. Things of that nature, I suppose. But I been working extensively with my counselor to get better with my anxiety and work through a lot of things. And so far it’s really helped slowly but sure I see myself making process and I’m getting better.

I hope you guys been okay. Words can’t explain how much I appreciate the ongoing support from all of you. Thank you so much again.

I was featured in a Magazine! (Life Update)

Whew, it’s been a while since an update hasn’t it? I feel like I haven’t talked to you all in forever. There’s so much to update you aIl so I hope you don’t mind a lengthy post.

I think it’s also worth mentioning that I  think I could get in the swing of posting updates every Sunday.

(P.S ) This was originally supposed to go up Sunday.  *Laughs*

It’s almost like a weekly get together. To share what I’ve been up to. ”

So, grab you a snack and let’s begin.

I was featured in a Magazine: Last month I had the exciting opportunity of being feature in a online magazine. The C.O.R.E Reader. I answered a few questions, talked about you guys, and much more. I definitely wasn’t ever expecting to be interviewed by a Magazine. So when I read the email (I had to re read it a few times) I was in disbelief. It was such an amazing opportunity to get featured in such an amazing Magazine and I couldn’t be more honored and thankful to have been featured. If you guys would like to read up on my interview check it out here !

 

Health & Allergist: I went to visit an allergist a few weeks ago. I’ve been meaning to, so I could see if there was a possibility of me being able to eat seafood and fish. I never talked about it on my blog but, I have a seafood and fish allergy. I was diagnosed with it at the age of two. My parents let me try some seafood they cooked. After a few minutes they noticed my lips were swollen, my skin was turning red, and they rushed me to the hospital, where they found out I was allergic.

I don’t remember any of it. So basically after that I’ve tried to avoid seafood at all costs, up until the age of seven where was told I could eat flounder. So I gave it a whirl I very hesitant and didn’t eat much. After that I’ve avoided it since thr’ve been wanting to add new things into my diet so my mom scheduled me an appointment for a allergist.

For those that don’t know how a seafood allergy test works, it’s not very complicated, but it differs from every allergist; I got a skin test.

Basically they take a small sample from each allergen and drop it onto your skin. No needle, or pricking. Just a basic poke and drop. The nurse then sat a timer and asked me not to scratch or touch the area.

I waited in the room with my mom for fifteen minutes. The itching wasn’t painful more like a mosquito bite and you really want to scratch. After the fifteen minutes were up. The nurse came back in measured the size of my hives for each fish and seafood.  After she was done she wiped off allergen samples off my arm and put an ointment on. She gave the notes to the allergist and he came in to see the results. He was very surprised, and also shocked.

He said he wanted to be more sure of the allergy I have.  So he asked to do a blood test, and to call back in a week so he could explain my results. My mom called my allergist and I heard my results. I can’t eat any form of seafood and fish and I should avoid it at all costs. I was actually really looking forward to eating fish. I can’t say I’m disappointed as this has been something I’ve dealt with my entire life. But it was something to look forward to.

Books & Reading: I mentioned in a few updates back that I was getting back into reading. I’m currently reading Nolander by Becca Mills. It’s a really great book so far, I’m currently currently on chapter 8. I’m not going to tell you guys what it’s about but will let you guys check it out for yourselves. Hell, I’ll probably do a review for it in a few weeks when I finish.

Birth control: A few days ago I got my birth control implant nexplanon.  Nexplanon is a pregnancy preventive contraceptive. It’s inserted into your arm. I’ve tried contraceptives like the pills in the past but I’ve had terrible side affects from them.

From excessive weight gain, increase in anger, anxiety, unable to sleep. It was bad and was scaring me, so I decided it would be best for me to try another alternative. If you guys would like a post on that and my experience with the pills, and how I’m liking my new birth control monthly. I’ll be more than happy to write about it. Especially if you’re interested in trying out birth control and not sure which one would be best for you.

Love & Life: I think a great way to describe how I’ve been feeling is “okay”. I’m not always great or good but I’m okay. I’ve been going through a lot personally, friends, and I would be lying if I told you guys I’m peachy.
Anxiety has been the same. Depression has increased but I’m doing alright. I’m coping and managing it. So I think that’s important to mention. I’ll be going to counseling next week so I’m looking forward to that

As for my love life I recently suffered a breakup, we dated for three months. Can you even consider that as a breakup? I broke up with them, it was difficult but needed. Our relationship started off great, he was kind, sweet and loving. But he started to change, lie, possibly cheating and was acting distant. Anytime I brought it up he denied it and even lie to me about who he would talk to. I tried my best to talk to him instead of breaking up, but with no responses and just read text messages I ended things. He got upset because I ended things but when I tried to make things work again I had no respons, I would only get short replies and I couldn’t take it and just decided it wasn’t even worth it. It’s sad that it happen, but shit happens and life goes on.

Finding a Job: I found a job you guys! It’s part time and only once a week and I start in August. I’m excited about it. I’m definitely looking for other jobs until that one just so I’ll have some extra money.

So I hope you guy enjoy that update. It was definitely more positive than most of my other ones.. Expect a few posts this week and weekend.

Much love

Xx Cheyenne❤

Turning 18 + Dealing with Racist Jerks

 As many of you that follow me on Snapchat    (boob_ghouls if you don’t) or any of other social networks know I recently turned 18. July 8th exactly. It was a bittersweet turning 18 for many reasons but I’ll get to that another time.

The day before my birthday I got my phone turned back on to see the recent deaths of two unarmed black men; Philando Castile & Alton Sterling. I’m so devastated to hear the news, but can’t exactly say I surprised.

As with many of the attacks towards myself and the rest of the black community it’s no longer becoming a shock, but mentally draining. Seeing your fellow brothers and sisters in the news being murdered brutally whether that might be by police, or a regular person. It’s something you almost become numb to.

To share my condolences for the fellow members of my community I made a snap story saying

”R.I.P to Philando Castile & Alton Sterling, no matter where you grow up. How educated you are. How many white friends or partners you may have. Or how respectful you might be to a police officer. You will always have a target on your back if you’re black.”

I don’t view who watches my snapchat. But someone who I’ve spoken to occasionally on Snapchat just for general conversation felt their need to share their opinion on my snaps.

I was absolutely  disgusted in the response I received from him. I’ve spoken on race issues many times before on my snapchat and he’s never said anything. I can’t exactly say that I’m shocked my the appalling and ruthless comments made by him. But I’m rather disappointed that we have people in the world like this. That would rather spew ableism and biased stereotypes than educate themselves on issues that are happening in the world now.

CW:Ableism & Swearing:

 

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Here is my reply to his first statement: CW: Swearing

”First of all, I don’t understand how the hell what’s happening now is a laughing matter. So cut the “LMFAO” and don’t use ableism’s with me. 

A black person being mean to you is not how racism works kiddo. I’m sorry that a black kid was mean to you. But no one has time to hear your whiny ass. When Racism is built off of systematic oppression.

So please explain how the hell are blacks special? When we’re out here getting murdered and killed by police regularly. That doesn’t make us seem fucking special, does it? Whether we’re at a store getting followed, getting pulled over and shot. Or unarmed and getting killed on video camera. There’s not enough evidence to prove to you people we’re not just saying BlackLivesMatter to fucking say it. We’re saying it because of people like you who are so caught up in their privilege and anti-blackness can’t fucking see that this what’s happening now isn’t a coincidence. It isn’t blacks being victims. It’s us speaking out about shit no one has wanted to pay attention to.

Oh and all lives matter? No one is disputing that other lives don’t matter but it’s very clear in news and media that black lives doesn’t. When the hell has All lives mattered in America? When it was built off the oppression of blacks and other POC.

You really are blinded by your damn privileged if you cannot grasp what’s happening to blacks now.”

 
He proceeded to use offensive ableism’s:

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I decided to block him after I realized that there was no point in arguing with someone that doesn’t want to listen.

It wasn’t the best start or kick of turning 18 but it definitely made me realize the next day how much hate we have in the world. And how there are people like him, that would rather throw hate and laugh about murders that are happening in our country than take them serious.

I’ll be back with a personal update about myself tomorrow.

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